The Rabbit Hole

Down, down, the rabbit hole I go,
Like Alice.
What is up? Where is down?
When will I hit the ground.

The year feels long,
But the months fly by.
Where is time?

How long have I been
Descending into Darkness
Since Lockdown? Furlough?
Or has it been longer.

Have I been dancing towards Darkness this whole time?
Questioning the world around me,
Wondering why what I’m supposed to do,
Doesn’t feel like me.

The language isn’t native to me,
The routine isn’t habit to me,
The mission isn’t my own.

Emptiness
Longing
I can’t belong
I won’t belong
I don’t want to try to anymore

Until I hit the ground,
I prefer the darkness.